Co-Parenting: This is How We Do it

As a parent, finding your groove can sometimes feel impossible. But let me tell you about my unconventional co-parenting dynamic that works so well for my son, his mother and myself. 
We've established a unique understanding that we are so grateful for, and it allows us to balance our parenting responsibilities with our individual pursuits. Being a dad and a creative, I've found ways to incorporate my son into my career and it's been a joy to watch him grow and be a part of my process. 

While our arrangement may not be the norm, I'm hopeful that sharing our story will inspire other parents to find their own way to happiness through unique and unconventional methods. 
I'm also interested in hearing about your journey with parenting or co-parenting, especially if you're navigating this in New York. Let's share our experiences and support each other in this incredible journey called parenthood.

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Wonderful Day by Chaz Langley
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Transcript

Another first,  was his first photo shoot. I've gotten to learn about people wondering what the next chapter looked like and I think we handled it really well. I hope he's got the thing.  
Hey, this is Chaz and welcome to my world from my living room. Today I want to share about co parenting and how I navigate it.

I want to share about the moment that I became a father. I'd also like to share about the challenges of shared custody and also being a role model to my son. So sit back, relax, and welcome to my world from my living room. 

This is Chaz Langley and welcome to my podcast.  Growing up with a single mother had its challenges, of course.

Um, she did everything she could to raise me and my brother, who's five years younger than me. And we did everything as most kids did, you know, we ran around, we were knuckleheads, we were, you know, back in those days when you can actually get that belt. Yes, we got that belt. But I understood. My mom did everything she could.

She worked different jobs. She used to work for the government. Uh, she also, you know, worked odd jobs like waited tables at night. Uh, when, you know, we were asleep, she would sneak off and do a graveyard shift. Things like that, that really kind of, you know, that I really appreciate. You know, as I'm now an adult wanting to definitely be a great father to my son, Gio.

Now, one thing for sure, when I was being raised by my mom, I'm like, I don't, I want to treat my kids, you know, to everything they want. And I want to be the best dad ever. And that was definitely a point of emphasis because I felt that how could a man, you know, abandon his children, right? I've never met my dad, but, um,  you know, I'm sure he had his reasons.

And we'll just leave it at that.  I've never harbored any resentment or anything  or ill will to him  because no one knows what can go on in someone's life.  I just knew for me,  my mom did everything. So I never really had anything missing or any sort of regrets or things that made me look back and go, I wish I had a dad,  you know, fast forward.

Now,  as a young adult, when I was 18 and, you know, just graduating from high school and, and. Somewhat moving on to adulthood. I've gotten to learn about people, uh, at various places in the country and even parts of the world. So  I started to formulate what I would want. My life to be like as a dad with someone that I was in love with that I was married to and had the whole pie in the sky and that whole moment for myself and You know, unfortunately those things didn't happen in that order But when things did finally line up, I felt that I was in the best position to be the best dad possible so now I'm living in New York and I'm performing I'm you know, grinding trying to do what I can to Make my dreams come true here in New York.

I'm singing. I'm doing sessions for commercials and jingles and things like that. So, I'm doing my thing. And one night, I meet this young lady. Um,  smitten the whole nine yards. We dated briefly. And, you know, during the course of that time of us dating, we had G. O.  Now this is in my pursuit of me trying to fulfill my dreams as a creative, as an artist  and all of that.

So I didn't know where I stood with that because I was still in that struggling artist mentality.  But what I did know is that I wanted to be an amazing dad, no matter what that looked like. Over the course of a few years, I did my best. Um, me and my son's mother, we did our best to raise him under one household, which ultimately wasn't an ideal situation because we were just different people.

And, you know, we hadn't planned geo. So it kind of,  you know, derailed both of our, you know, plans for life on our individual terms. So we had to do the best that we could together. But I felt in my spirit, ultimately,  That because we were not  the people to be together that we were giving 50 percent  of ourselves to be great parents to G.

L.  So after a series of, you know,  you know, not getting along and, and  just a lot of things that really kind of, you know, spell the demise of a relationship. Those things came to light and I knew that I needed to make a change.  And  for me, I didn't want to make this change because in my mind as a dad, Was always the narrative of the black father, always missing in American households. 

So I didn't want to be a statistic. So I fought that for years, uh, and not wanting to be a statistic to this situation,  but ultimately I had to live for me. And live for what made me happy ultimately.  And I felt that if I was to be happy, then Gio would be happy.  So  with pretty much nothing,  once again, starting the whole struggle train over again,  I. 

And, um,  you know, I found a small apartment, a studio as a matter of fact, and if you know, New York studio apartments are very small,  but I was fortunate to be able to have one close by about three blocks away from where I last lived, um, with my son and his mother. And so I was very blessed and fortunate and glad that I. 

Pretty much, you know, landed on my feet for the most part.  Once again, it was a struggle and given that it was a studio, it was very fun. At this time, I believe Gio was seven years old  and he was still small enough to be able to, uh, we slept in a bed together, um, at a queen size bed  and. Or double, I'm not sure. 

But anyways, we slept in the bed together for a couple of years. Uh, I slept on a couch. I thought that would be a thing and let him have the bed. We tried different configurations, right?  And so, um, you know, it was trials, but it wasn't  anything that being under one roof, being able to give a hundred percent,  albeit the circumstances.

was good for my soul. It just felt right.  And so,  fortunately, Gio is such a great boy and he is, you know, never needs for anything. I pretty much have to,  you know,  insist that I buy things for him, which is, you know, which is great because I know a lot of kids, they want what they want when they want it. So I was very blessed and fortunate, especially given the circumstances of me not really having much.

Um, to be able to, to give him whatever he needed. Now, when me and his mother, we broke up,  we weren't married. So, that made things a little bit easier as it related to  the legal system and essentially having a total stranger dictate how you love your son until he's 18.  I felt that that would not be my narrative.

And me and his mom agreed, albeit reluctantly initially, that, uh, that I would have him half the time and she would have him half the time.  There's no reason for our love to be  divided any other way  than in perfect half.  So seven days on for her. Seven days on for me. Um.  Initially, you know, there was a lot of pushback because being that it was still young, mom still had those mother instincts and was like, I can't let him go for that long.

I can't let him go for that long. You know, we'll have to figure out another way. And that balance wasn't just for For geo. It was for both of us as adults. Um,  when you have a full week to essentially decompress and get back to some sense of normalcy and be able to focus on things that you're excited about as a creative and dreams and ambitions that you're working towards.

It's great to be able to have that time. And I knew that it would serve us well, regardless of how the initial thought of being away from geo for either of us for that period of time.  Knowing that that will be something that will serve us all to the best of our ability. Because  I mean, by the time, you know, a full week goes by and if you're really busy and invested in what you're doing, the time flies by and you're able to essentially gather yourself again to be a parent when, you know, when Gio gets back to either one of us.

So  I know that for her, she was able to. see the bigger picture, although she was reluctant initially. Um, I know there was a, you know, a sense of freedom that one would have being able to go out at night, being able to have a social life. I mean, these are things that aren't quantifiable when you look at the type of, um,  you know, partnerships that work, you know, outside of the same household.

So that's one thing I really learned about  this moment. Good.  after the breakup, wondering what the next chapter looked like. And I think we handled it really well. So as Gio and I, we're beginning to  just marinate in our own individual love for each other and in our same household.  There's little things that I'm starting to see on a day to day basis as it relates to  the things that he picks up from me.

So, uh, I'm a singer. So there'll be times where I'll be in the small studio apartment and I'll have my studio compartmentalized in like four quarters.  And one space was allocated for my vocal sessions. So I've kind of created a small studio. Then there was the kitchen. Then there was the living room. And then there was the bed. 

So that was the apartment in its entirety all within how  many square feet it was, but  Anyways, it was small  So I've made the most of it and I guess if you turn any particular direction your vantage point would look like some semblance of its own space. Um, so with that being said, you know, Gio used to listen to me do sessions.

He was always quiet when I need him to be quiet, had earphones on for his iPad, that sort of thing. But over time, he started to sing. Now, he had always been singing, even from his crib when he was an infant. He'd always, you know, I hear him just kind of singing a melody and just always had musicality in him and his pitch was  perfect every time.

So, uh, that's one thing I know that I was kind of imparted, if not by genetics, uh, just by, you know, influence, you know, uh, subconsciously. So we'd always try to sing a little bit together and, you know, um, got him into more music oriented things, play guitar. He and his mom, um,  I got him into things very musical.

Me and his mom, we agreed that, um, you know, guitar would be good for him. Uh, we did vocal lessons as well. Um, he just took to it like, you know, a fish to water, which I was somewhat proud of because, you know, I'm the singer between us two and I'm like, I hope he's got the thing. And I kind of harken back to when my mom, I believe she kind of subconsciously did that for me too, to kind of wonder in her own space that I have the thing because she's a singer.

So, being able to pass that along  has been a joy and it continues to be a joy  as I'm raising him.  Along our journey,  Gio and I, we've had some wonderful firsts.  You know, some of those firsts... includes the first time that I brought him on a,  uh, a photo walk. So now a photo walk is essentially getting a group of photography enthusiasts to walk around the city with their cameras and capture some of the streets.

cityscape and also some portraits of different people and such. So that was a really fun thing to bring him on one of those. I gave him one of my cameras and  he took to that really quickly as well. And that was really, really fun. And also one of those proud dad moments for me to actually see him take to something that I really enjoy too.

And he saw the joy in my eyes too, as I believe he's just really  emotionally  Balanced and I really love that and I'm so proud that he is and you know, the way that we raise him individually really allows him to have a balanced life,  which I'm really proud of  another first another first  his first photo shoot. 

And his first commercial, he was a Pampers baby.  Uh, so when he was born about five months, um, I had a friend of mine reach out to me and say, Hey Chaz, didn't you recently have a son? I said, yeah. Uh, this was back when me and his mother were together. Say, Hey, there's this casting for Pampers.  And I was like, Oh my gosh.

You always hear that as a parent, like, you know, the Pampers baby. Oh my gosh, that would be amazing. So Gio was a Pampers baby. I believe the name of the shoot was called delivery room. It's really, really cool. Very, very inspiring. Um, as a dad, you know, wanting to believe that maybe this is something, a path of his fast forward from then, I believe when he was like five or six years old, I believe it was five.

We got to do a Cadillac commercial together, which was absolutely amazing. Uh, this particular shoot was the coldest day of the year. It was in December, I believe it was in Long Island City. I'll never forget it because it's one of those proud dad moments.  And  he was the star of the show. It was amazing because when he rapped, everybody  Gio. 

You did a great job and it was one of those like, you know, Simba, Lion King moments. Uh, I think I made reference to a video that I posted on Instagram about that moment. But, um, I just had some wonderful moments. And I must say, what I've learned from this whole experience of being a dad so far, Is that  we can still pursue our dreams as dads, no matter what, uh, it may feel insurmountable as it relates to not having  all your ducks in a row,  but I believe those moments that are created from the heart and from inspiration, I really think helps the next generation get to where they want to go and potentially pass that on as well.

So with that said, thank you for watching. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please feel free to subscribe, like, and comment and share with a friend. Until then,  have a wonderful day.